Life is getting faster, the pace of it.
An alarm on my mobile phone wakes me up every morning, well, at least it tries. If it succeeds, then I take a shower, otherwise I go straight to a breakfast.
For breakfast I have a cup of coffee and a toast, if it is available.
Then I commute to work, listening to some music while doing so. Or maybe reading a book. Or playing a video game on either of my handhelds.

I have a blue collar type of work and I work alone, just like any respectable assassin. Though I am not an assassin. It is actually sad, because being an assassin seems like fun.
But anyways, I work alone and my work doesn’t require me to have any kind of mental activity. So I listen to either a music or a podcast. I’ve tried watching movies, but they draw way too much form my attention tank, I hardly can have any work done. Movies are no-go.

I try to finish my work as fast as possible and be on my way home. Another commute – and I am back. ただいま.
I usually do not eat at work, so the first thing I do when I get home is invading my fridge’s privacy.
Now I am eating something, while playing a video game or watching a movie.
After a couple of hours, when I’m certain that whatever I ate is processed I do about thirty minutes of exercises, to stay in shape. I kinda like the way my body is at the moment and I want it to stay that way.
A short break before going to sleep – and then I am exploring the dreamland until my phone will make another attempt to wake me up in the morning.

Of course it’s not like this all the time. I try to meet with people as much as possible, attend some courses etc.

But life feels fast. It feels like I can’t stop anymore.
So I have to force myself to slow down.
I grind my coffee from grain state every morning. I cook my own food. Sometimes I walk home instead taking a bus.
Still it isn’t enough. But it is something.

Why am I writing this? I’m not sure.
I’ve read a review of Far Cry dated April, 2004. It was printed in a magazine and it was fairly large review. I feel that back then there was something that is not here anymore. I can feel a tingle deep within my heart.
Well, maybe it is not here, but that tingle means that some of is is still within me. So maybe I can bring it back. Make my life a little bit more real. Because as for now I might as well be dead.

And all of that gives me a thing to say, a thing which might look disconnected with anything written above.
Video games are not about completion. They are not about achievements. They are not about anything tangible.
Video games are about experience. They are all about player, how he or she lives a life.
My life is fast, which makes my games as fast. And I do not like it. That’s why I try to slow it down.
To feel again.

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